TL;DR Fried chicken is the most dominant hangover food because it is fast, cheap, will stave off your aches and pains, and give you a reason to discuss the prior night’s events.
Why Fried Chicken is the Best Hangover Cure
Since the dawn of time, drunken weekend revelry inevitably transforms, through the power of sleep, a fun and exciting evening into a sorrowful and miserable hungover morning.
Although nature is cruel for creating such a devastating blow to those who only wish to have a little fun, we still must learn to cope with the damaging after effects the morning after drunken enjoyment.
The sleepiness, the headaches, the nausea, the dehydration, and the gross, dirty hungover feeling clinging to your skin like a thin sheet of grease all serves to drag you down.
I propose to you that fried chicken is the ultimate, the dominant, hangover food because it will cure your physical maladies, it will do so conveniently, and it can be done with as many of your friends as you can muster.
Fried Chicken Decimates Hangover Aches and Pains
Go down the list and check off all hangover symptoms that apply to you:
- Are you more tired than normal because you were up late having fun and aren’t well rested?
- Is your head pounding like a man with a jackhammer is trying to beat his way out through the inside of your forehead?
- Does your the thought of even moving, even just a little bit, set your nauseous stomach on edge?
- Are you thirstier than your friend when they see a hot blonde walk into the bar?
- Are you covered in a gross layer of grease that inexplicably took hold over your skin, making you feel destitute?
Then, alas my friend, you probably went out and had a hell of a night partying and drinking with your friends. But, since the only true cure for a hangover is to not get drunk in the first place, you’re in a tight spot.
If any of the above symptoms applies to you, then I have the cure that will ease your pain. And if you’ve read this far, then you know that I mean fried chicken!
Fried Chicken Will Stop Your Hangover Pain
First and foremost, when you wake up after a night of drinking, you need to get your day rolling in the right direction. In order to build up some momentum, you’ll want to nip all of those physical pains in the bud as soon as you can.
Besides the incredibly advantageous speed with which one can procure some fine, fried chicken in this day and age, which I’ll discuss later on, the quickest way to get your weekend back on track is to get food in your stomach immediately.
It is a sacred truth amongst partygoers and barhoppers alike that greasy food will coat the inside of your stomach and stop the pain! I mean, what is greasier than fried chicken along with some badass sides like honey-buttered biscuits and seasoned french fries?
The second you get out of bed, you need to get yourself a Gatorade, hop in the car, and direct yourself to your nearest fried chicken joint. I’m lucky enough to have the likes of Gus’ World Famous Fried Chicken and Uncle Lou’s Fried Chicken nearby me in my current home of Memphis, Tennessee. However, I’m sure whatever you can find will be absolutely fine.
A quick side note, go read Healthline’s post on the 23 Best Hangover Foods if you want healthy alternatives to fried chicken. Fried chicken is many things, but it is not healthy.
Fried Chicken is Faster than Fast Food
Maybe you’re thinking to yourself, “hell, I need something to eat now. My head is killing me.”. And you’d be right for thinking that. However, let me tell you why you shouldn’t go to McDonald’s and, instead, go to your local chicken joint.
It makes sense that you want to spend a little time between waking up and and having food in your stomach as possible. This will minimize time spent feeling like crap, and maximize your recovery time!
With a fast food restaurant, you typically drive through, order, pay, and drive home to eat. However, with a fried chicken joint you can call in and tell them exactly what you want beforehand while you’re still laying in bed. They’ll prep your food while you get dressed so that when you arrive, all you do is pay and then walk out the front door with your food.
There’s no waiting in a drive through line and no wasting time deciding what you want.
Eat at Home and Fall Asleep Instantly
One of the greatest pleasure of picking up a to-go order of some delectable fried chicken and eating at home lays in demolishing it, then instantly crashing on your couch.
Even better is putting on some golf on the T.V. in the background as you slowly doze off to the soothing sounds of the commentator’s whispers.
I can’t vouch strongly enough for this unique and blissful sort of pleasure. If you haven’t enjoyed such a magnificent occasion, then you haven’t , in this author’s opinion, truly, luxuriously relaxed.
Forum For Friends
Next, you’ll notice that for following up on the previous night’s antics, you’ll nary find a forum better than sitting down and munching on some fried chicken with your buddies.
By this, I mean to say that most everyone wants fried chicken when they’re hung over, so its highly likely that you’ll be able to gather your whole squad of amigos together to break bread. Thereby, you’ll be able to catch up over last night’s events.
Plus, as you slowly liven up with each successive wing you eat, people will reanimate and become highly more responsive! Isn’t that a hoot? As you eat more and more fried chicken, your hangover will recede as you and your buddies will become more talkative.
If you just go grab a low quality fast food burger, you’ll likely eat it, then go be a recluse all alone in your bedroom like some sort of golem, pitying themselves in the dark.
Lastly, Fried Chicken is Just Delicious
Last of all, eat fried chicken when you’re hungover because it is damned delicious. If all of the aforementioned reasons don’t convince you to cure your hangover with fried chicken, then your fallback reason should be flavor.
Fried chicken is hands down the tastiest, most satisfying meal you can possibly eat for any meal, much less when you’re struggling with a hangover and need relief fast.
Given that you should probably supplement your meal with some BC Powder (which is you haven’t heard of, is basically aspirin and caffeine rolled into one), I suggest you get the king daddy of all fast foods.
So I’ll leave you now, hopefully in better hands than any kind of sloppy burger from a depressing fast food joint would leave you in. Best of luck with your ailments, and get after it again as soon as possible, you beautiful creature!