Yes, Chicken Wings Are Good For You

The Fried Chicken Diet

Have you ever had a huge meal, like a HUGE meal? One that made you say, “Damnit, I am never eating again!”. If you are like many of us in the developed world, you have probably had some gut-busters before. Whether it was for Thanksgiving, for Christmas, or even for no other good reason than because you are a free adult and it’s your right to do as you please! Far be it from us here at this blog to negate your right to stuff your mouth with soul-touchingly good foods on a whim (we encourage it, in fact).

Lady Eyeing Chicken Wing Flat
Let’s face it. We all want someone to look at us the way this lady looks at her chicken wing.

No, in fact, we believe that ballooning up one’s gut will cause the individual so much pain and suffering (you know that “over-full” feelings?) that it will incentivize them to cut back on food. Never has this author felt so in need of a diet change than he has after deciding to order ten whole wings with a side of large crinkle fries. One can be certain that after downing nearly two cups of buttery, sugary, tangy, and spicy sauce atop decadently fried wings, with two rolls and nearly four potatoes worth of seasoned fries to mop up all the excess sauce on the side, that that person will have a wake up moment. If you’ve tried all the diets and haven’t found one that sticks, give this one a try. You will want to change your eating habits after piling on the crispy chicken!

The Fried Chicken Workout

When is the last time you worked out? I bet it was today, you disciplined machine, you! Great job, but have you ever considered alternatives to the uncomfortability of jogging, the repetitiveness of the treadmill or stationary bike? Have you ever wanted an easier way to break a sweat and get your heart rate up? Well the solution, as it may surprise you, is to each spicy chicken wings!

Yes, Chicken Wings Are Good For You 1
You and Ben Stiller could BOTH do The Chicken Wing Diet and produce Night at the Museum 5 together looking aesthetic as F@#$

Funny enough, this author can say from experience that eating slow-burning, spicy and delicious fried chicken can be compared to running the 40-yard dash. Having run this exercise quite a few times for collegiate football (yes, division-3 college football still counts as football), one can say that the sweat that one breaks is a mean one. Alongside the simultaneous heart palpitations from the internal heat spike, is it really such a bad thing to compare the feeling to working out? If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, its probably a duck, right? So if you are sweating, breathing heavier, and have a higher heart rate, then one could argue that you are, in fact, working out in at least the ‘fat-burn zone’ of about 140 BPM.

Chicken Wings Will Make You Spritual

Have you ever had a moment that made you say, “Wow. Humans are such interesting creatures. They do vastly different things than all other animals on this planet”. Because all it takes is one single time eating incredibly delicious fried chicken wings in order to inspire such sentiment. By heating up some fat byproduct derived from nature, we have found a way to enhance and unlock incredibly diverse and sophisticated flavors from a common source of protein. If you don’t find something about that poetic, then you should spend more time crushing fried poultry, because your soul could use the assistance.

Yes, Chicken Wings Are Good For You 3
Gluttony. Finally, something us and Buddha have in common

Fried Chicken Is Perfect

Altogether, fried chicken can provide health and spiritual benefits, and I would bet money that it is capable of providing even more than just those life aids. You would be doing yourself a disservice to ignore your body’s needs, so discipline your mind and dial up the closest wing restaurant to you, just not domino’s. Life is to short to deprive yourself of success, so eat like a champion today.

Yes, Chicken Wings Are Good For You 5
“Who knows, maybe you’ll become a doctor like me” – probably House

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